I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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