I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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