There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
