It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
