Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
