Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
