thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
