Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
