it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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