I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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