i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
