while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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