Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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