I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
