Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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