Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
