from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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