dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
