she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
