90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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