Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize