eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
