Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
