Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
