i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
