I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
