I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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