Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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