I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
