i already hear my dad disowning me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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