do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
they need to just BURY HIM!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
