Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
