Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
