the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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