The maid of honor just puked.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
