Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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