I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
