I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
