ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
