The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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