I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
