My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
