so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
