I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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