he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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