I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
