I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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