I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
