i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
