Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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