Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
