apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
