Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
