No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
