Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
