we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize