Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
