whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
