the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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