guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
