He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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