I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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