i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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