I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
