Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
