Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
