david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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