So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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