Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
