pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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